Val Muller

The Electronic Wordsmith

Browsing Posts published by Val

Today’s post comes from Cathy MacKenzie. The prompt this time is to use the first line of a nursery rhyme or story as the first line. (Some of you may recognize Jimmy from the Grimes family!)

Cathy’s most recent publication, BETWEEN THESE PAGES, is a compilation of 18 short stories. The book is available on Amazon and Smashwords:

(Watch for her next book of short stories, out soon!)

 

Bad, Bad Jimmy

by Cathy MacKenzie

 

“Little Jack Horner sat in the corner…”  The rhyme reverberated around six-year-old Jimmy.

Fascinated, the child stared at the corner. The wall bent unnecessarily, for why did the wall have to crease into two walls? He imagined how Jack Horner felt staring at a similar crimp. What was it with parents making kids face a corner? What could be more boring? But he figured that was probably the reason for the punishment—to make kids more bored than they already were. And he was bored. Too bored.

When Jimmy was bored, he got into mischief. He almost felt it was his duty to do so. What else did he have to do? His toys were boring. His room was boring. And, of course, what was he made of? Frogs and snails and puppy-dogs’ tails. No wonder he was bad. His parents continually chastising and nagging as if he were a grizzled, henpecked husband didn’t help his frame of mind.

Silently, he mouthed stories while pictures flashed before him: three profane pigs blowing down houses, three brainsick bears stealing porridge, a goosey girl dressed in red whose granny was eaten by a big bad wolf. The horror stories confused him. He was a kid, for Christ’s sake! Why did everyone read crazy tales to him? Why was his bookshelf filled with monsters and demons and why did things go bump in the night? And Christmas and Easter—what was it with green elves and obese bearded men and rabbits pretending to be santas doling out coloured eggs? He shuddered and folded his arms in an attempt to quell the tremors. His shivers grew bigger and bigger until he felt he’d explode. He imagined body parts and guts splattering around the room.  His mother would kill him if he dirtied the furniture, although his father would care only about his new recliner. Jimmy snickered. None of that would matter to him, not if he burst like an overblown water balloon. He’d be dead—unless he came back to haunt the living.

Jimmy gave up thinking of situations that would never come to pass. He squirmed so he could look around. His parents were gone. Probably up in the bedroom, he thought. Doing what? He didn’t want to dwell on that. He quit breathing while he listened. Silence. Dare he get up?

Yes, he could. When he heard his parents return, he could sneak back to his punishment place. He snickered. It was so easy to fool his mother and father, especially his mother. He relished in doing so. As often as he could.

When Jimmy snuck into the kitchen, his stomach growled. “I’m hungry,” he mumbled. Mean mother doesn’t feed me. After glancing at the clock, he spied the pie on the table. The crust, evenly browned and mounded high over an abundance of fresh fruit, lured him closer.

Little Jack Horner

Glad to be away from the corner, though standing before a forbidden pie, Jimmy snickered again. He knew full well it wasn’t full of plums. Who would make a plum pie? Not his mother, that’s for sure. Who’d eat a plum pie? Not him; not his father. Stupid, silly nursery rhyme.

He stuck out his thumb. Hmmm, he thought. Should I? No, who would do such an airheaded thing? Besides which, his mother would kill him if he helped himself to an uncut pie. But that luscious fruit that lay beneath the crust! Sweet, syrupy, succulent. He needed a taste.

Soundlessly, he opened the cutlery drawer and withdrew a sharp knife and fork. He listened. Nothing. Salivating, he moved toward the pie. His tongue swished around the inside of his mouth, searching and seeking sweetness. Saliva drooled from his lips. Just one bite. But how did one take a bite of pie without leaving damning evidence?

Jimmy pulled out a chair and kneeled on it. He inserted the knife between the glass pie pan and the bottom crust, slightly lifting the crimped edge. Carefully, he dug the fork into the back of the crust. Jimmy ignored his drool dropping on the pie, concentrating instead on not breaking the top crust.

Almost there, he thought, as the fork entered the fruity goodness. What kind? What kind? His stomach emitted a huge growl. Apple? Blueberry? At that moment, the crimped edging broke apart and the top crust cracked as if someone walked across a semi-frozen pond. Purple juice seeped through the furrow.

Jimmy’s stomach sank, his hunger pangs forgotten. The room swirled.

“Jimmy!” A voice bellowed.

Startled, the boy turned around to see his mother looming from the doorway. He stared at her for a second before turning back to the pie. The damage was already done. He’d be punished no matter what happened next. He jabbed the fork into the middle of the pie and pulled out a hunk of delectable goodness. Half of it dropped on top of the crust, the other half managed to complete the journey to his mouth.

“Get back to the corner,” his mother shrieked. “Bad, bad boy!”

Jimmy dropped the fork and screamed, “But I want pie.”

Facing the corner again, Jimmy sucked the traces of blueberry syrup from his fingers. Words reverberated around him: “What a good boy am I!”

***

The Spot Writers—our members.
RC Bonitz

http://www.rcbonitz.com

 

Val Muller

https://valmuller.com/blog/

 

Catherine A. MacKenzie

http://writingwicket.wordpress.com/wicker-chitter/

 

Kathy Price

(website in progress)

 

 

 

This week’s Spot Writers prompt is to use the first line of a nursery rhyme in a story. This week’s tale comes from Val Muller, who you can stalk at www.ValMuller.com. She writes books for children and adults.

Distress Signal

By Val Muller

“Rock-a-by Baby.” The screen beeped.

“I know,” Ezram growled. “On the tree top. Commencing treetop search. Triangulating signal.” He scurried under the tall, leafy branches of these strange Earth plants. They were all green. So weird. He snapped a few pictures before moving on. “So many trees on this planet. If only I knew which one.” He looked at his wrist screen.

The computer beeped. “Triangulation unavailable. Signal no longer active.”

He was too late. “Computer, replay signal.”

The screen obeyed:
“Rock-a-by baby
On the treetop
When the wind blows
The cradle will rock”

“Computer, stop.” Ezram held out his hand. “No wind here. Computer, located wind gusts.” The computer did, and Ezram worked hard to navigate the strange planet, its mix of civilization and wilderness. He had to be sure not to transport somewhere dangerous, like the middle of a highway. This place didn’t have sensors to aid transporters. Safer to travel by foot, but this planet was tough. Nothing like the planned, manicured terrain of home.

After much searching, he found a place laden with trees and plagued by wind gusts. Surely the baby was here.

“Computer, resume play.”

The computer obeyed:
“The cradle will rock
When the bough breaks
The cradle will fall
And down will come baby, cradle, and all.”

“When the bough breaks?” Ezram searched frantically. “I see no boughs broken. Maybe it’s not windy enough.” He kept searching. The wind picked up, and he walked through the trees until he came to a clearing. There were several humans, some standing and some sitting in an open field.

He remembered his orders—not to reveal his identity, so he programmed a disguise sequence into his computer. Instantly, tentacles and tail were exchanged for dark glasses and a fedora. Then he stepped into the field.

“I need your baby,” he announced to the first couple he met.

“What?” The female of the couple seemed surprised.

The male of the couple laughed. “We don’t have a baby. Drink another one, though, and the cops’ll be out to get you, buddy. Just hauled away some guy who was doing kegstands under the pavilion. They’re out for blood today.”

“Computer,” Ezram whispered, “define kegstand.”

“Term unknown,” the computer answered.

Ezram chilled at the response. This planet was so strange. How was he supposed to save this baby when humans were so irrational about everything? And now they were something called “out for blood.” That didn’t sound good. That poor baby.

He kept walking, adjusting his fedora over his four earflaps. “I need a baby,” he muttered. “A baby in a cradle.”

Near a covered structure—probably the pavilion the male had warned him about—a mass of people loitered. They were consuming nutrients and making strange sounds. And there it was—a baby, underneath the shade of a tree, in a cradle. This was it! Next to the baby, a mechanical device was playing another distress beacon. This one made less sense, but Ezram programmed the computer to record it just the same:

“Summertime, when the living is ea-sy.”

“Computer,” he said. “Report back. I have found the baby and the source of the distress beacon. Commencing recue operation.”

#

Fifteen days, and two court appearance later, Ezram pouted while his starship took him home. His supervisor wanted a report, and he might as well get it out of the way.

“Computer, record report.”

“Recording.”

“After tracking down the source of the distress beacon, Ezram found the baby in question. It did not seem distressed until the humans surrounded it started screaming. They have a strange way of thanking someone who is only there to help. The child was then provoked into screeching louder than our nighthawks. Its wails brought Earth Police. Their police force is not polite and did not seem to care for the wellbeing of the baby. They took the baby from Ezram’s arms and gave it right back to the irresponsible humans who must have put it high in a treetop, in harm’s way, in the first place. They seemed to demand an explanation, so Ezram repeated the signal for them, the distress beacon. They did not understand. Their justice system is confusing and inefficient, and their jails are not comfortable. In the end, Ezram chose to teleport out rather than wait for his final court date. Attaching pictures of Earth trees, human social rituals, interior of Earth Police vehicles, and interior of Earth prison. Recommend we stay away from now on, or at least things cool down. Respectfully reported, Ezram.

Damn. Looks like he’d get passed up for promotion yet again. Stupid Earthlings.

The Spot Writers- our members.

 

RC Bonitz

http://www.rcbonitz.com

Val Muller

https://valmuller.com/blog/

Catherine A. MacKenzie

http://writingwicket.wordpress.com/wicker-chitter/

 

 

Welcome to the Spot Writers. This week the prompt is to use the first line of a nursery rhyme in the story in the story. Fun!

 Today’s contribution comes from RC Bonitz, author of A BLANKET FOR HER HEART.  

 

The Truth About Jack

by R. C. Bonitz

 

Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after. Hold it- that’s the Madison Avenue version of this story. Watered down-to make Jack look good.

The truth is Jack didn’t fall. Jill gave him a shove. You see this guy Jack is not the sweetest soul in the world. They climbed to the top of that hill and Jack, as he loved to do, began bossing Jill around, making her fill the pail and then insisting she carry the loaded pail all the way down the hill. By herself, while he meandered casually beside her.

Now Jill is pretty tolerant and easy going, but this was just the last straw. Jack the Bully, that’s what he is. So, she gave him an elbow in the ribs and sent him flying.

Down, down he went tumbling over and over. (He’s not very athletic.) Finally, he crashed on his crown, which broke into three pieces. That’s important, because that gold crown (yup, that’s the type of crown he had.) is sort of magical. As long as he was wearing it he felt like a king. Thought he was pretty hot stuff actually. When he saw it in three pieces he went to pieces too, moaning and groaning and crying. Blaming Jill of course. But his blaming and demanding had no power anymore. She just smiled and ignored his complaints.

Now Jill is pretty resourceful. She grabbed some Super Glue and fixed that crown and stuck it on her own head. Something magical happened. Jack’s erstwhile power shifted to her. He couldn’t bully her anymore. She had the power now. She could be the bossy one if she wanted to. Or she could still be the kind and sweet soul she’d always been. (Except for that shove of course!)

She had an interesting decision to make.

  

The Spot Writers- our members.

 

 

RC Bonitz

http://www.rcbonitz.com

 

Val Muller

https://valmuller.com/blog/

 

Catherine A. MacKenzie

http://writingwicket.wordpress.com/wicker-chitter/

 

 Today’s post comes from Cathy MacKenzie. The prompt this time is to use three of the following words in the story: ridicule, laugh, spellbound, following, letter.

Cathy’s most recent publication, BETWEEN THESE PAGES, is a compilation of 18 short stories. The book is available on Amazon and Smashwords:

 

The Letter

by Cathy MacKenzie

 

The letter arrived in the mail on June 7. The addressee, a bit disconcerting, jarred Mildred to attention, and she swiped at a tear. She stared at the tan envelope, noting the missing return address and non-existent stamp. She supposed the mail slipped undetected through the scanner. How else could it have made it to her box? One needed a key to open it. She cringed. Days of home delivery were long gone. Streets lined with mailboxes and red arrows pointing up or down made her feel warm and cozy, like living in a Norman Rockwell painting. Oh, for the good old days, she thought. But what the heck. Life moves on. Not like I’m old like my mother or grandmothers, rest their souls. Mildred felt it necessary to add “rest their souls.” She had heard that phrase so many times it was ingrained in her head.

She slammed the door of the mailbox and returned to her car. She threw the several pieces of mail on the passenger seat, ensuring the mailbox key went into her purse. She had lost the key once, only to have Ted, her husband, discover it on the driver’s seat. She wasn’t sure how it landed there. Probably slipped to her lap instead of in her purse or she forgot it was in her hand and let it drop between her legs. Luckily the key hadn’t been lost, or she would’ve had a hassle obtaining a replacement, and, most certainly, it wouldn’t have been an easy feat. Nor cheap. There’d be a fee, for sure. Canada Post wouldn’t give anything away.

Drat passing time and bills and mysteries, she thought, as she drove away. Mildred squinted into the sunlight. What was that ahead? A truck? A moving van? Why was it coming toward her, invading her lane? Where was the white dividing line? Despite sunglasses, the glare blinded her. What the dickens!

Mildred braked—just in time. So did the vehicle ahead, the one careening toward her. She glanced into the rear view mirror to see a van looming. She felt hemmed in, jammed between metal monstrosities, when all she wanted was to return home, plonk into her rocker, sip a cuppa. She rolled her tongue across her lips, tasting the tea she had leisurely sipped that morning—the English tea she loved so well—though she felt the blister on her tongue. And the bubble forming on her lip. I drank it too fast, she thought. Didn’t let it cool enough. Patience wasn’t one of her virtues.

Spellbound, she stared out the windshield. She hadn’t done anything wrong. She simply stopped at the community mailboxes, returned to her car, and drove. Minding her own business, for when did she ever interfere with other’s lives. Never, that’s when. And heck, if the sun happened to blind her, what could she do? And who told those vehicles to follow or drive toward her. No, she was right; they were wrong. Besides, she was in her nineties. Didn’t seniors deserve extra consideration?

A young man peered into her car. Mildred rolled down the window. “What’s wrong?”

“You’re driving too fast, lady.”

“Me?” Mildred looked around.

“Yes, you.”

“I’m just driving home. Need my afternoon tea, you know. And, lookie here.” Mildred produced the mystery letter. “Look at this. A mystery.”

“Mystery? You almost killed me.”

“I did not.”

“You did. Perhaps you’re too old to be driving.” The young man glared at her. “When’s the last time you had a driver’s test?”

“Driver’s test? Me?”

“Yes. You. You’re the problem. You seniors are always the problem. “

“Sonny, watch your tongue. I’m a fine, upstanding citizen.”

“Yeah, right. Kill someone and see what happens to you then.”

“I didn’t kill anyone. I was minding my own business until you arrived.” Mildred paused. “Did I show you my mystery letter?”

The man glared at her. “I don’t care about your letter. I just want to ensure the roads are safe. They’re not safe with you on them, ma’am.”

Mildred opened her mouth, then thought better of it. She could ridicule him all she wanted, but what good would that do? He’d continue to glare, daring her to proceed with her tirade. No, she’d be the good person. She’d shut up.

“I have to go. My tea is waiting.” Mildred rolled up the window. The man, brandishing his arms, sauntered back to his car.

Mildred until the vehicles dispersed. She didn’t want to be accused of any further disturbance. Once alone, she admitted she was, perhaps, too old to drive. But she didn’t want to give up her “wheels,” as the youngsters referred to vehicles. What would she do? There was no public transportation in her residential area. She’d be stuck at home, bored and lonely. No, she couldn’t give up her car. She’d have to be more careful in the future. Her livelihood depended upon it. She didn’t want to wither away like some decrepit old soul without a life.

She drove into the driveway of her small bungalow, grabbed her purse and the mail from the seat, and entered the house. After she put on the kettle, she stared at the mysterious, non-descript envelope. She should toss it in the trash. If someone wasn’t decent enough to affix a return address, she shouldn’t have to waste time opening it. She rationalized a missing return address was the same as a private or blocked number on the telephone. She ignored those phone calls, just as she should ignore unknown envelopes. What if they contained anthrax or another legal powder? What right did people have to disguise themselves, hide behind blocked numbers and missing return addresses? If someone couldn’t announce his or her presence, so be it.

Despite strong feelings of retaliation, she felt pulled toward the plain envelope. Her long nail slid across the flap. She pulled out the paper. One sheet.

The paragraphs—blocks of letters—loomed before her. Though too many words and sentences blurred her eyes, several lifted from the page. The important ones. Estate of Mildred Simpson … tax return … unfiled … penalty … interest … outstanding amount….

Her face flushed, then turned white. What!

Mildred dropped the letter before racing to the mirror. Her face. Was that her? She flattened wayward hairs on the top of her head. I am alive. I’m alive. Dratted mail system. Dratted government. She greedily gulped a needed breath.

Mildred’s next thought was her driver’s license. Had it expired?

 

***

 

The Spot Writers- our members.
 RC Bonitz

http://www.rcbonitz.com

 Val Muller

https://valmuller.com/blog/

 Catherine A. MacKenzie

http://writingwicket.wordpress.com/wicker-chitter/

 

 

 

 

 

 

I loved this book as a child, and I re-read it for educational purposes—I’ll be presenting some workshops on using literature to encourage closer reading later this year. The book was even more poignant than I remembered it, and I love the freedom theme running through it.

The novel follows Annemarie and Ellen, two girls in Copenhagen during Nazi occupation in the 1940s. While they’re just trying to live their lives, they are introduced to things they barely understand: Jewish shops that are forced to close, shortages of goods, explosions, people who seem to disappear, and growing Nazi presence. Early on, Annemarie snuggles in bed, “glad to be an ordinary person who would never be called upon for courage” (26). This introduces an important theme, as she is called upon later to help save her friend.

Upon first re-read, Lowry’s verb choice struck me. Though written for young readers, Lowry uses strong verbs that help to characterize each group. For the soldiers, she uses menacing verbs (and other diction). There is also the theme of freedom and being called to be part of a Resistance mentioned as early as the first chapter. In bedtime tales, the theme of an entire country being willing to die to protect someone else introduces the theme of sacrifice for a greater goal. In this case, people must be willing to stand up to a monster, even at the cost of their own lives.

There is also symbolism and literary relevance woven throughout the tale. For instance, Annemarie’s older sister has died, but when Annemarie’s family takes Ellen into their home to pretend to be a sibling (to hide from the Nazis), her father says, “Once I had three daughters. Tonight I am proud to have three daughters again” (38).

What I respect about this book is: even though it’s for young readers, its use of details “respect the reader.” The details help to build the world the characters are forced to inhabit. They add historical relevance as well as characterization. Motifs and themes, such as the use of fairy tales as metaphors, emerge and re-emerge, adding meaning to the tale. Many books for young readers simply skip such details. It’s a book I recommend for readers of any age. I read it as a child (many times). I treasured it then, and I enjoyed it just as much this time.

 

This week the prompt is to use three of the following words in the story: ridicule, laugh, spellbound, following, letter. This week’s post is written by Val Muller, who you can stalk at www.ValMuller.com

 

Early Decision

By Val Muller

“Everything happens for a reason,” Mom said, pushing the milk over to Allie.

“Easy for you to say.” Allie gritted her teeth. “You’ve already been to college. Besides, it wasn’t so competitive when you were a teenager. Parents don’t understand how much pressure is on us these days. If you had my qualifications back in your day, you’d probably be offered a full scholarship to the Ivy of your choice.” She checked her phone.

“Allie, the email said the decision would be posted at 5 p.m. It’s barely past breakfast time.”

Allie sighed. “I know. But all the kids are Tweeting about it. Last year, they posted at 3:00. They did it early because the server always crashes when everyone logs on at once to check. So I thought I’d keep checking.”

“Honey, you might single-handedly crash their server before noon.” Mom sipped her coffee. “I still say everything happens for a reason. Whatever the decision today, it’s the right one. That’s why I say it’s dangerous to get your heart set on something.”Her eyes got far away and dreamy. “I remember going to the mailbox every day senior year. I knew the decision wouldn’t arrive until April, but I checked for a letter nonetheless.” She laughed. “When we were your age, we looked at the size of the envelope. If it was a small letter, it was a rejection. If it was a large envelope or a packet, it was an acceptance. From her bedroom window, my sister always watched me get the mail, and every day I held my hands up, empty, to show her the decision hadn’t come.

“One day, I awoke and I just knew the letter would arrive that afternoon. When I got home from school, I was so nervous that I couldn’t even check the mail. I sent my sister out in my stead, and I watched her carefully, spellbound. She opened the mailbox, her eyes wide. I was so excited, you would have thought she was about to discover the fountain of youth. Her face melted from possibility to despair as she held up a tiny envelope from the college that had stolen my heart. My grades weren’t the greatest, but my guidance counselor told me I had a fair shot at admission. Guess she was wrong.

“I didn’t cry right away, but it hit me later that night. The despair lasted a while. For weeks and months afterward, I didn’t see the good in my life because I was so upset about one thing that I thought was the end of the world. I didn’t appreciate it when my second choice school offered me a half-scholarship. I mean, half off tuition? It was for the birds, I told myself. In fact, I wasted that whole summer—the summer after my senior year, the one that should be happy and carefree—pining away for a school that didn’t want me.

“Looking back on it now, though, that decision was the right one. Everything happens for a reason. After all, if I hadn’t been rejected from my first choice, I would never have met your father. And then you and your brother would never have been born. The world would be a different place. It was meant to be.”

Allie shrugged. “Easy for you to say. What if my future husband is at my first choice school?”

“Hindsight,” Mom said. “We can’t know what’s meant to be until we experience it and see fate’s true plan for us. You just have to be patient.”

Allie huffed and checked her phone again. “Nothing yet.” She took a bite of her cereal and sent out the first of many Tweets. “It’s gonna be a long day.”

The Spot Writers- our members:

RC Bonitz

http://www.rcbonitz.com

Val Muller

https://valmuller.com/blog/

Catherine A. MacKenzie

http://writingwicket.wordpress.com/wicker-chitter/

Melinda Elmore

http://www.authormelindaelmore.blogspot.com/

 

I was tagged by the lovely Clara Bowman-Jahn, author of Annie’s Special Day, to share the answer to four questions about my writing. Check out her website for information about her newest release. You can also visit her blog, facebook, and twitter.

 

What am I working on?

Right now, I’m working on a future, ruined-Earth sci-fi YA novel (with a Wild West twist) in which humanity willingly gives in to slavery in exchange for bread and circuses.

How does my work differ from others of its genre?

I’m a writer who crosses genres. I hate being confined (freedom is an important theme in my life and in my writing). I like being able to take elements from many genres: the imaginative aspects of science fiction (there are aliens in my story who enslave the human race in exchange for basic human needs—showers, food, water, and entertainment); the personal growth of a protagonist in a YA novel (I love Abigail Andrin’s spirit as she struggles against the world she faces); and the ruggedness of the Wild West (the world Earth has become is barren and dry and as wild as the West ever was).

Why do I write what I do?

For me, freedom is the most important theme in my life and in literature. In my personal life as well as in my political beliefs, I believe whole-heartedly in freedom. I believe people should be free to make choices with the understanding that choices come with responsibility. I wouldn’t want the government or some other authority telling me what I can or cannot do, so I believe in limited authority to the extent possible, with the knowledge that one’s freedom ends when one begins hurting others. This is an important theme in my WIP. Abby lives freely, but she never takes from others; she lives only off the bounty of her own hard work. She leaves others alone, but if they cross her and try to take what belongs to her, what she earned, she turns fiery and fights back.

How does my writing process work?

All my story ideas start as a little gem in my brain. I usually jot down the idea in a notebook. Then I let it simmer. I have notebooks and notebooks full of ideas. I’m not sure anyone’s life is long enough to write each of those into a story or a novel. But the best of those gems, the ones that really resonate with me, keep pressing on my brain until I start writing it. At that point, I’m an outliner. I need to create outlines because the ideas for characters and arcs and subplots come faster than I’m able to write them into a novel. So I jot down a fast outline, and I work from that. For me, writing novels should be done as quickly as possible, while all the characters and settings and twists are alive and balanced in my brain. I then let the first draft “cool” while working on other projects before coming back to edit.

My second edits take care of strengthening themes I’ve discovered during the first draft as well as adding foreshadowing. All subsequent drafts deal with smoothing out characters and adding interesting language and details that will make the book more enjoyable for the reader—making the characters and world pop into 3D.

This was one of my favorite books when I was younger, so I thought I’d re-read it. The book was not as good as I remember it, mostly because of the outdated writing style, but I enjoyed the plot and remember why I loved it so much as a kid.

The premise: the world has just experienced its worst plague ever, and all adults are killed off—only those approximately twelve and under are spared. Lisa, the protagonist, is determined to build up civilization again rather than live like a frightened animal. She and her brother, and some kids from the neighborhood, first try to reinforce their homes in the Chicago suburbs, but after too many gang attacks, they move to the high school, which becomes their city.

Lisa thrives by using her brain when others resort to animalistic or mob mentalities. For instance, when she arrives at a grocery store, she notes that the items most appealing to children are gone—soda, candy—but the items children don’t like—canned asparagus and spinach—are still there. She takes these items because they are more healthy. Later, she and her brother are healthy while other kids, who have survived on just candy, are sick. She also thinks through the situation to find a warehouse in the city filled with over a year’s worth of food–most kids only thought to go after grocery stores. When she still lived in her neighborhood, she organized the children into a militia. They created alarm systems and booby traps to help fight the gangs. She’s also the first one to realize that kids should learn how to drive cars and find gasoline for generators. Throughout the entire novel, Lisa emphasizes that they can only persevere through hard work. As a kid, I loved her toughness, her work ethic, and her use of rationality to solve problems.

I learned, only when searching for a copy, that O.T. Nelson wrote the book to illustrate Ayn Rand’s principles of objectivism in a simple way that kids could understand. As a kid, I didn’t pick up on the fact that there was a “lesson” to be learned. I’ll admit, though, I am a fan of Rand’s philosophy, so the book must have naturally resonated with me as a kid.

Now, as a “grown up” and a writer, I picked up on some of the writing issues in the book. Some of the “lessons” were told through a series of bedtime stories Lisa told her younger brother to keep him confident. Others, though, were told directly rather than shown, giving it the “feel” of a lesson rather than an illustration. The book was a quick and easy read—I read it in two sittings—and could have benefited from added details to illustrate elements of Rand’s philosophy, such as pride in ownership and happiness from accomplishment. There were times when Lisa would say something Randish, and it seemed to come out of the blue. Sometimes Lisa even notes that most kids don’t understand her philosophy yet, but she just moves on from there. At one point, the littlest kids are all grumpy and whining. Lisa points out that they’re grumpy because they all have to share everything—they don’t have their own possessions, and they also are being sheltered and not asked to work for anything. While I like and agree with the idea behind this, it was not illustrated in the book, so someone with whom this idea does not naturally resonate might be left scratching his head. The author even shows how someone who simply follows Rand’s philosophy is seen as unlikeable in society. This is true, but the issue isn’t really addressed much beyond that point.

Part of the issue here is that the book was first published in 1975. Books from earlier eras are different stylistically. A lot more was told rather than shown, and books tended to be shorter. (Harry Potter helped to break that rule). This meant less could be illustrated. The idea for the novel is fun—I remember imagining how I would survive if all the adults died of a plague—and if rewritten today, I think it would be written in a more enjoyable style. I would have liked to see more details that might be more acceptable to add today, such as what the kids did when they encountered dead bodies (it’s a glossed-over subject, and it seems mostly they avoided going into houses where they thought there were dead people, or it was explained that most adults went to hospitals to die, but still, I would have like to see at least one dead body to see what the kids had to deal with. Again, books like The Hunger Games, written more recently, seem to have pushed the envelope on what is acceptable to write in a story meant for children.

Still, the novel contains a strong female protagonist who offers a useful philosophy for living life: fear (of failure, of others, etc.) leads one to act irrationally. Having confidence and seeing each obstacle as a challenge to solve rationally can be “fun” because it leads to accomplishments and ownership (and, thus, pride and satisfaction).

Welcome to the Spot Writers. This week the prompt is to use three of the following words in the story: ridicule, laugh, spellbound, following, letter. Today’s contribution comes from RC Bonitz, author of A BLANKET FOR HER HEART.  

 November 1957

by RC Bonitz

 The letter came in the mail two weeks before Thanksgiving. He scanned it quickly and let out a whoop of joy. Wonderful letter, delightful letter. His friend Mac wanted to double date when he got home from college for Thanksgiving, Mac with Terry (they’d been an item for some time now) and he with Karin. She was willing to go out with him!

Karin had turned him down about three months ago. Of course, he’d asked her to the movies when she worked there. Fool. But apparently she’d forgiven or forgotten. Never mind a letter for his answer. He picked up the phone.

Thanksgiving weekend, Saturday actually, Mac and Terry picked him up and then they picked up Karin. Now he’d met dozens of girls since he went to college, blind dates mostly. So, he should have been cool with Karin. But he wasn’t. They were both stiff and awkward in the backseat of Mac’s Chevy.

They had tickets to a square dance, presented by Terry’s Mom. But the hall was dark when they arrived, the dance scheduled for the following weekend. Oh crap, he thought, but Karin suggested they listen to records at her house.

Listen they did, and danced too, in the playroom in the basement undisturbed. He was oblivious to Mac and Terry, couldn’t tell you what they did or said. But Karin–he was spellbound, dancing, talking the whole night. And then, after a long slow dance, he knew. Sure as he was standing there with her, no doubt about it. He didn’t propose, not him. He made it a pronouncement.

“I’m going to marry you,” he said.

She stared at him, dumbstruck. But she didn’t pull away. She didn’t laugh or choke or ridicule him.

“Well?” he asked.

“You certainly are original.”

“I mean it.”

She smiled. “I know.”

“And?”

“I barely know you.”

He smiled. She hadn’t said no.

He’d just turned eighteen, she would in another month. They married a year later.

 

The Spot Writers- our members.

RC Bonitz

http://www.rcbonitz.com

Val Muller

https://valmuller.com/blog/

Catherine A. MacKenzie

http://writingwicket.wordpress.com/wicker-chitter/

Melinda Elmore

http://www.authormelindaelmore.blogspot.com/

Today’s post comes from Cathy MacKenzie. The prompt this time was to write a story using five of the following words: shadow, mountain, shell, sunlight, hammock, bottle, chain, wheel.

Cathy’s most recent publication, BETWEEN THESE PAGES, is a compilation of 18 short stories. The book is available on Amazon and Smashwords:

Shadow of the Mountain

by Cathy MacKenzie

The shadow of the mountain brushed over Sheila as she peered over the cliff’s edge. The long way down scared her, as it would anyone. She turned from the craggy view and faced the mountain. The dark monstrosity loomed back at her, daring her to do the deed.

“You can’t stop me,” she muttered.

She’d return later. She wouldn’t change her mind.

Upon returning to the camp, the first sight she saw was Steve flaked out on the hammock. The last remnants of sunlight glanced across the beer cans on the folding table beside him. Drunk again, she thought. Did he ever remain sober? How much more could she tolerate?

Sheila’s stomach growled, but she had no desire to cook dinner. What was the use? Should she prepare a last dinner for her husband? No, what a waste of food, not to mention her time.

She rummaged in the cooler for the half sub sandwich she hadn’t eaten the previous day. The bread would be soggy and the lettuce wilted, but she didn’t care. Leftovers would fill the void. And there was that unopened bag of chocolate chip cookies. A few of those would take away the hunger. Chocolate chip cookies were her favourite.

When Sheila flipped the metal tab on the soda can, Steve stirred. Just as I expected, she thought.

“Wha’s for dinna?”

“I just finished my sub. Now I’m eating cookies.” Sheila stuffed her mouth with the sweet goodness.

“What about me?”

“What about you?”

Sheila acknowledged his glare. “I’ll make you something. What do you want?”

“Dunno.” Steve, in his attempt to get out of the hammock, fell to the ground.

Sheila giggled. Would he have bruises? Didn’t matter.

“Hey,” she said. “I took a walk earlier, while you were sleeping. There’s a gorgeous view not minutes away. Let’s go take a look before it gets dark. Then I’ll make you dinner.”

“What? But I’m hungry now.” Steve slurred his words.

Sheila relished her husband’s drunkenness. Her task would be so easy.

“It’s only a few minutes away. Come on, it’ll be fun.”

She walked toward Steve, who still remained on the ground. “Here, let me help you up.” Sheila hated the touch of him. Hated the thought of his hand clenched in hers. But she had to continue the charade. Only a few more minutes. Not long. She could do it.

“Come on.” She gripped Steve’s arm. “You okay?”

“I think I had too many beer on an empty stomach.”

“You only had two.” She hadn’t had trouble counting two cans.

“Two? No, I think I had more than that.” Steve giggled.

“Oh.” Recognition dawned. “You were into the rum, too?”

“Possibly.”

“Right.” She should have known. The sun didn’t glint on the plastic glasses strewed on the grass, nor the empty bottle tossed by the tent.

“Okay, let’s go. I’ll lead, okay?”

“Sure, honey. Whatever you want. Always whatever you want.”

Sheila ignored him and continued to drag him to the cliff’s edge.

“See,” she said, once they arrived.

“See what?”

“Look at that view. The land on the other side. The mountain behind us. It’s getting darker now. It was prettier when the sun shone down.”

“It is pretty. You’re pretty. Think we can do it tonight?”

“Tonight?”

“Yeah, you know. It. Sex.”

“I don’t know. I’m getting a headache.”

“Headache?  Now?”

“Well, I feel one coming on. Might have one later, I don’t know.” Sheila stared at her husband. Definitely drunk, yet he still thought of sex? Sure, she thought, that’s what men did. Sex always on their minds.

Suddenly, she felt as free as the wild black crows that landed every day in their front yard. She had watched the birds on occasion, wondering what how it felt to sweep down and accomplish a perfect landing on the grass. Did crows know how well they did? Despite their savage look—their evilness—they were graceful as they soared and landed. Sure, they scavenged, ready to pick at the remains of anything they found, but they were fighters. They existed for themselves. They did what they needed to survive.

As she would. Once Steve was gone, she wouldn’t have to feign headaches any longer. Wouldn’t have to lie. Wouldn’t have to pretend.

She could be herself.

“Over here,” Sheila said. “Come closer.” She grasped his hand. “Look.” She pointed down to the water.

“It looks pretty far down there. You’re not suggesting we go down?”

“No, of course not. Just wanted you to see it. There’s currents down there, too. Look over there.” Sheila pointed toward the west where the water flowed fast and furious over rocks and brush jutting from the water.

Steve turned. Sheila turned, too, in an attempt to move behind him, so she could gently push him over. Yes, she’d be gentle. He deserved that, didn’t he? One last gentle thrust. He’d never know what hit him.

But, when she took one step, she noticed he moved, as well. His eyes, wild and menacing like the crows sprinting across their yard, burned into hers. Mesmerized, she stared. Movement happened fast. Fast, yet slow. Steve’s large hand hit her behind. Not gentle. Not gentle like she would have been. They were inches away from the edge. She had gotten too close. Hadn’t planned carefully enough.

Steve was drunk, wasn’t he? That was her second-to-last thought, just before her feet left the safety of the ground and she was propelled into the air. That one bum-tap had done it. But no, it was more than a tap. It was a push! He had pushed her. Not gentle at all.

When she hung—just for a second, just a mere second—over the boulders jutting from the shoreline below, she remembered the crows. Her last thought. The blackness before her. Black like crows. She flapped her arms, brandishing them through the air, hoping she’d land as graceful as those crows in her front yard.

 

***

The Spot Writers- our members:
RC Bonitz

http://www.rcbonitz.com

Val Muller

https://valmuller.com/blog/

Catherine A. MacKenzie

http://writingwicket.wordpress.com/wicker-chitter/

Melinda Elmore

http://www.authormelindaelmore.blogspot.com/